The Long Tail In Action: Ivonna’s lullaby

If there were still kind people in the world, would they be on the Internet? This reads like an Onion story. Except truer. And stranger. For anyone still doubting “The Long Tail,” read on. 

It begins when champion shopper, and liquid foundation connoisseur Ivonna R couldn’t sleep. Rather than prescription medication, or her latest beau, Ivonna turned to the Internet for solace, promising 10 points[??] on Yahoo! Answers for the most slumber-inducing story.

Her question reads:

ITS 3:00 AM WHERE I LIVE AND I CANT GO TO SLEEP! COULD YOU PLZ TELL ME A BEDTIME STORY!?!

10 PTS TO BEST BEDTIME STORY

I HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING FOR DAYS NOW. 

AND THEN I WAKE UP REALLY LATE.
PLZ TELL ME YOUR BEST BEDTIME STORY.
BECAUSE COUNTING SHEEP DIDNT WORK.

Will beauty-experts around the world rally to this cause? Miraculously, yes. Responses vary from pithy to mundane.

Some favorites:

Detrick L: Once upon a time…there was a Taco at Taco bell. The taco stood in the window for all to admire it. It was there for days, posing. The one day a Chiwawa (taco bell dog) came and ate it. the end.

or

 

myst3ri0once upon a time there was a pretty princess. but she was under a lot of stress lately because she was waiting for her prince to “pop the question”. she could not get this thought out of her mind. she could not sleep for a long time. she was always tired during the day. finally she took a sleeping pill. she could sleep that night but not very well. she dreamed about her wedding ruined by his step-mother. the next morning he asked her to marry. she was excited but every night she dreamed that dream. she was getting really worried about his step-mother. she ordered her to not be at the wedding. the wedding day the step-mother came anyway. she was worried her wedding would be ruined. in the end they got married and became king and queen and lived for 100 years and ruled until their children were married. they lived happy and full lives as king and queen. they died at almost the exact tame time on the exact dame day in the exact same year. then they lived together forever in heaven. (if you don’t believe in heaven sorry for the offense) Good night, Ivvona. [Its true - sometimes aimless narrative structure helps me sleep too-ed]

Or,
dementwo: I was smoking heroin while surfing the interweb and then I woke up with my keyboard stuck to my forehead, when I pried it off I saw your question and answered it.
Ivonna’s heartwarming conclusion sums it all up:

 

HAHAHA IM LOVIN SUM OF THESE STORIES! I GUESS THERE ARE SOME KIND PEOPLE LEFT IN THIS WORLD AFTER ALL.<3

Strangely, Ivonna has yet to name her favorite story. But sleep did come, eventually according to her post.

Sweet dreams, Ivonna. I’m glad the Long Tail came through in your moment of need.